Sad to See Us Go

When it was time to take Alex back to his groupa at the end of our second visit yesterday--- I didn't want to hand him over. I could see how unhappy he was to go--- I am sure it had something to do with the particular caretakers that were on shift at that time. There are so many women coming and going from that orphanage that I can hardly keep up-- nor can I recognize them. There are a few that I love dearly and appreciate so much-- but the majority of them seem to consider what they do merely a job not a ministry--- and it shows.

And it makes my heart hurt. Julia's too. She loves all the children and enjoys passing out treats to them. She is getting Alex to play with her more and more and she absolutely loves to hear him call out her name. It is pretty cute.

Today we saw Dennis' old roommate outside in a baby walker. She is just so precious, bless her little heart. She has some kind of syndrome I am sure-- her eyes are set wide apart and she is missing fingers-- but she is the cutest little doll in all of Antoshka! But don't worry in case you are thinking---- the feelings I have are not Mama-type feelings but more a feeling of children with special needs need more advocates because they have so much potential. Can I hear an Amen?
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I think Julia and I are developing a mosquito phobia-- nothing makes my skin crawl more than the high pitched sound of a mosquito buzzing around your head. EEeee!

I am also sick of apricots--- there are trees everywhere around here and the smell of rotten apricots smells like hot, old beer.

I love, love, love how Kramatorsk is like one giant park. Tall, shady trees are everywhere! Here is just one of many "hang outs" where old men play chess.
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We saw this caterpillar on our walk home. It was huge!

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This is for the Reed Kids---- I miss you guys so much. I have enjoyed your comments Annalyn and Rachel. They make me feel closer to you. Please keep an eye on each other and take care of one another! This is not a bribe-- but I would love to surprise all of you with something fun to do when Julia, Alex, and I get home! So-- be good!

Saying Goodbye....

Today John and Dennis will say goodbye to Alex, Julia, and I---
and we will say goodbye to them.

It will be bittersweet.

For one, it marks one more leg in the process that we can put behind us and John can get back home to the kids. I know he will give them plenty of love from me.

We went and saw Alex today and told him that we will all be going to on a semolat (airplane) in a couple of weeks. I think he understood.


A reporter from a Donetsk newspaper came and interviewed us and took pictures. She did an article on Dennis when he first came to Antoshka. Her goal is to encourage women here to keep their children even if they have special needs---- she hopes our story will show people that it is possible to raise children even if they are not physically perfect. Hopefully, we can provide the link once she is done writing the article.

The weather continues to be very nice--- some more rain is reported-- Praise the Lord!

The Bearer of Good News

Finish Packing
Wash and Gas Car
Re-fit Dennis' eye
Go over childcare plans

Almost everything is done.
I am pretty calm. All is good great!

I have the privilege of taking photos of four different children adopted from the same orphanage to show how well they are all doing! I am also taking some things over for the physical therapists that visited the orphanage back in March. I also offered to take documents over for another family which will hopefully speed things along for them. What a blessing to be able to help other families----- the same way so many of you have been just as gracious and loving. Thanks again!

P.S. Since so many of you have asked, yes, the plan is to blog as much of our trip as we can so that we will forever have the memories. Maybe we will get to see another little boy peeing in an airport trashcan.

We would love to get together with any families while we are over there.

I Finally Have a Due Date

This is what I would probably look like if I were about to give birth to a four year old. Well, I may not be pregnant, and that is only a blanket stuffed under my shirt, but the excitement, the blessing, and the miracle of adopting Alexsey is just as an amazing an experience as giving birth.

I look at adoption like this.

When we decide to adopt another child, it is like reading to pink lines instead of one.
When our paperwork is complete, it is like hearing my baby's heartbeat for the first time.
When our dossier is submitted and accepted, it is like feeling a butterfly flutter inside me for the first time.
When we get our travel date, it is like counting down the last month of pregnancy.
When we drive to the airport, it is like driving to the hospital.
When the plane takes off, the first stage of childbirth is over.
When we land in your birth country, I am told that I am very close to pushing.
When we drive up to the orphanage, so many emotions flood both your Mommy and Daddy when we know it is this last push before our precious child will be born.
When we finally meet face to face for the very first time, the feeling is indescribably heavenly.

Alexsey---- only two more days till we leave to see you! Hang tight--- we're coming!

Thank you so Much

I can't even begin to express my gratitude to all of you who emailed me privately about my last post. Not only has it been humbling to admit that I was sort of silently flipping out after (really)researching Spina Bifida-- I mean up until now I just always saw Alexsey for Alexsey-- and not any of his potential health problems, but it has also been hard to admit that despite my faith in our almighty God, I still fear, I still doubt, I still want to cling to the comfort of this world, I still want to back up when it feels like I am about to step out of the boat. Thank you for helping me to realize that not dwelling on Alexsey's Spina Bifida is exactly the right thing to do.

I know that in my heart.

I still remember his innocent and flirtatious smile-- that curious side of him that wants to explore the world around him but has never been given the chance. It is the little boy behind that smile that I want to focus on-- not anything else.

Alexsey is perfect in God's eyes, and I need to push out of my mind all the "what ifs" and "but hows."

Lord, I thank you for providing me the reassurance and encouragement that I needed today.

Be with Alexsey, and all of my children-- always.

Don't Fear!

Medical Consent Forms
75% packed
fun little trinkets for Alexsey

We are leaving in four days.

I am so excited-- but at the same time I have felt attacked by Satan himself. I am a little embarrassed to even admit, that yes, even I can't always be a strong pillar. He has filled me with so many questions all revolving around Alexsey's medical needs and whether or not we can care for him. This happened with Dennis-- and yet God carried us through all of them-- and now look at him! His medical needs are a very small part of our everday life. I know the same thing will be true of Alexsey, but honestly, it doesn't take away the fear of the unknown.

I just so want him to have as much of a normal life as possible-- and to enjoy all that the rest of my kids get to enjoy. I literally can't wait to see Alexsey doing the simplest things-- like playing cars with Dennis, coloring, eating his first fruit snacks, brushing his teeth with the little cute toothbrush I got for him.

Dear Heavenly Father,

You know my prayers, my concerns, my fears, and as I confide in you how inadequate I feel to take care of Alexsey, please know that I will continue to trust that you will always be right by my side. Please be with Alexsey always, and heal his precious body so that he can do all the things that he dreams!

Amen.

More Preparations

Make Photo Album
last minute shopping

Two more things I can cross off of my list!

Only five more days till we leave!

Lord, be with Alexsey Alosha this week! Help me to get used to calling him that so that he will feel comfortable when we first meet him. I pray for peace, strength, unity, and Your ever-presence in our family as we prepare to welcome a new little one into our family. May each and every one of my children welcome Alexsey into our family with as much love and acceptance as they welcomed Dennis.

P.S. The picture on Dennis' passport is before his eye surgery--- I wonder if that could potentially cause a problem? So--- I printed out pictures of Dennis with us before his surgery, during his surgery and right after his surgery. You can never be too safe.

How Sweet is This?

Our daughter Julia spent the last few days at Grandma and Grandpa's house because she is leaving with us to Ukraine next weekend. Like usual, she was able to do some work around the house and earn some extra money. They took her to the store to spend it, and you know what she bought? She bought bubbles, and capsules that grow when you put them in water, and little hair barrettes-- all things she wants to take to the orphanage and give to the children.

I am so proud of her. I am very thankful that she has grandparents that encourage and support little things like this. I am positive that this trip is going to be something that she will always remember. Now she will finally get to see what an orphanage looks like and understand exactly where it is that her sisters and two of her brothers came from.

We are leaving in less than one week.

P.S. Happy Fourth of July! Dennis absolutely loved watching the fireworks, and I couldn't help but think about how it will be next July when Alexsey is here with us! I think he will love watching fireworks too!

Dearest Alexsey

How are you sweet boy? My, how you must be growing up. A year is a long time to not see your adorable little face-- but in less than two weeks we will be there to scoop you up and give you the biggest hug you have ever got! That is a promise.

Do you like bananas.... yogurt.. or maybe some sweet sugar cookies? Or maybe you are like me and like pretty much everything! Don't worry, we will surprise you! Your two soon to be siblings, Julia and Dennis are also coming with us. They are loads of fun. Hopefully, you will remember Dennis and the two of you will hit it off! I am bringing you a photo album with lots of pictures of your new family so you can see all that you are coming home too!

We can't wait!

Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite.

With lots of hugs and kisses,

Mom

It Was So Vivid

Last night, I walked the halls with Alexsey. Yes, it was him---- and yes he was walking.

Sure it was only a dream, but it was so real. The kind of dream where I smelled his skin, touched his face, and heard his voice. I even woke up to see if I was dreaming or if it was real.

*Big sigh* I am anxious to go and see him. I can't help but wonder if he will remember us.

Our medicals are not scheduled to be delivered by FEDEX until Wednesday, but I am praying that they arrive quicker. Once they do we will have definitive news on our travel date. It will be hard to wait.

We are thinking of just calling him Alex.

For So Many Reasons

I really think Monday, June 22nd will be the day that we are submitted. The little obstacle we had this past Monday was taken care of today, and besides.......... what better birthday present than being submitted! Monday is John's birthday.

A *Big* Sigh

We didn't get submitted today afterall. Hopefully next Monday June 22 will be the day.

Tomorrow is Monday

Please join me in prayer that our dossier is submitted in the morning. This is the big part. If we can just get our dossier submitted, a travel date is soon to follow as long as none of our documents are rejected. We have more childcare than I think we will need---- praise the Lord for that, and the Lord has provided for this adoption financially--- another praise to the Lord for that.

Thank you for all of your encouraging words on my last post. After reading your comments, I really feel that I could travel alone if that turns out to be the plan. Many of you have expressed a desire to go with me, and I really would love the opportunity to meet some of you, but I honestly can't tell you the exact dates of travel, or how long we would be gone.

I am actually excited at the idea of being the one to take Alexsey from the orphanage which both fellow adoptive mom Shelley and my husband said was one of the most memorable parts of the whole adoption process. I do feel strong, and I will not fear this-- for it is the best part.

Thank you again.

Okay, I'll Admit It.......

I am a big baby when I think about having to travel alone to Ukraine to pick up Alexsey after the 10 day wait. John went last time to get Dennis so I told him I would go this time. Anyone interested in joining me?

Or, can I least get a pep talk from other Moms who have traveled alone to bring home their child?

Thanks!

I Wonder if They Have a Clue

Can you believe that these two precious little boys are going to be brothers very soon? Dennis is two and Alexsey is four. My guess, is that they weigh the same. What is your guess?

Not a Day..........

Not a day goes by where I don't think about Alexsey. It sounds crazy, but it's like I envision him standing next to me soaking up family life------ just waiting for me to turn to him and include him in our family. I can't wait till that day. Funny how when we sit down to eat dinner, often times we look around the table and feel like someone is missing. That person is Alexsey! I just have to trust that he will be home before we know it. Miracles happen---- and I wouldn't put it past God to go and surprise us with some great news. I see every day how us waiting for now has been the right thing. This month is incredibly busy for us------ next month would be better.

Please join me in prayer that July is the month we get to go see Alexsey's precious face.

It could happen.

Preparing Me

Adoption is not an easy road. That is so hard for me to understand. My own logic says that there is a need and when a family is willing to step up and care for a child it should be immediate because the child is already born. Why is it necessary to go through all of the paperwork, all of the doctor appointments, fingerprinting, blah, blah, blah, blah? If I chose to have a biological child, I would not have to jump through so many hoops. I do realize that because it is often harder for someone to care for a child that is not of their own flesh and blood it is good to "check" them out, but after that part is done, I do not think anyone can get me to understand the point of waiting. Like with Alexsey. We have been approved to adopt and have managed to supply every piece of documentation that is needed, so why can't we just go and get our son and bring him home?

I have wrestled with this for many years--- and have failed to come up with any answers that really make sense to me until now. Last night, while reading a book, I found this verse on Faith and Endurance. It is about building character and as I read it, a light bulb went off.

James 1:2-4 (New Living Translation)
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Adoption comes with its own challenges even if they only happen to be the language and culture barrier. Realistically, any adoptive family will face many more challenges before life feels "normal." Being tested with the paperwork, the waiting, the unknown, and the adoption process itself is a chance to get closer to God... a chance to grow. I look at it as a lesson on patience.... something our Heavenly Lord knows we will need alot of once our children are home. How wise is that? If adoption was very quick and easy, I think we would get way more overwhelmed than what we already are when our children first come home. That time spent doing the paperwork gets us ready for all of those new medical enrollment forms, school enrollment forms, homework, and insurance forms. Dealing with all of the crazy delays, paperwork requests, and endless changes in the process prepare us for parenting. During this wait, we are given the opportunity to pray for our children---- a priceless gift to give to our soon to be child.

With every adoption journey we have been on, we have always been blessed in the end. James 1:12 says, "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

God will not let me down.

Dear Lord,
Please be with Alexsey tonight and always.

We Shall See

On June 2nd, officials in Alexsey's birth country are going to vote on whether or not to ban international adoptions.

I am indescribably at peace about this. I can't even begin to explain it. Of course I am praying that this doesn't happen, but I am also finding comfort in knowing that God closes doors only to open another.

No, it is not me giving up on Alexsey, but maybe just maybe no matter how much I have tried to tell myself that he was meant to be ours........... maybe he wasn't.

We shall find out.

Stay tuned......

and pray. Please.

Yes, I am Envious........

A few days have past since I last posted, so I guess you can say we are that much closer to bringing home Alexsey. However, I am ashamed to admit that I have been less than joyful (secretly of course) watching so many other families get their dossier submitted just because the child that they are hoping to adopt has special needs that are different than Alexsey's special needs. I know, I know, shame on me--- and yes even in the midst of my envy I am also praising the Lord that those children are coming home--- but at the same time, I am pleading with Him to let Alexsey join these children and come home too. It is just not fair.

And I know that life isn't fair-- and that more than once I have seen the amazing plan that seemed to make no sense to me at the time---- that God had all along-- but it doesn't make the current situation any easier.

Everything our family is doing right now, I think how Alesxey is missing out on it. We went to the river, and I could envision Alexsey pointing to it with excitement in his eyes. But he missed it. Dennis and I had a bowl of Borscht today---- and Alexsey missed that too. Sure, he probably gets plenty of borscht in the orphanage but it is not the same as my borscht--- made with love and eaten with his Mama. It is just not the same.

Our wonderful school has went ahead and placed Alexsey on a waiting list for pre-school assuming that he will be here by the end of summer. Will he be here God? Is that Your plan? Please let it be Your plan.

Lord, I know in my heart that Alexsey is ultimately Yours and that Your plan for Him is greater than I'll ever know this side of heaven. I will hold onto this truth not only for just Alexsey, but for all my children. I remember writing this post just a year ago when we were in the process of adopting Dennis. Reading it was just what I needed today.

Just Waiting

There is not any new news to report. We are waiting for our documents to be submitted to the SDA. That could happen in the next few weeks..... it could happen in the next few months. After that, the SDA is supposed to get back to us within twenty working days with our appointment to be officially referred a child. That happens only if they accept our paperwork and don't ask us to redo any of it. When they finally give us our travel date it might be for two months out or it could be with less than three weeks notice like we were given with our last adoption. We just don't know---- and so we go with the flow....... and pray.

With our last adoption in 2008, we submitted our documents on May 19th and got word of our SDA appointment on June 3rd. Our actual appointment was on June 24th.

Wouldn't it be really cool if we got to travel right around the same time if not the same time?
That would make it a whole year since we have seen Alexsey.

I bet he is taller. Maybe he is walking. Most certainly he is cuter. And the best part is that I won't have to keep my distance with him stealing cute little flirtatious moments with him here and there. This time I will actually get to hold and squeeze that precious little boy!