Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Why Did You Wait?

Michelle said...
this question is tough so i understand if you don't answer it. :-)what will you tell Alexsey if he ever asks why you took Dennis and left him in the orphanage for a year? as adults, we can understand it - i know i do - but from a child's perspective it probably won't be so easy. once he realizes that you were there but didn't claim him as your son for awhile, he may ask about it, and i'm just wondering how you'd approach that with him.again, this is something that i understand, so PLEASE don't take it as criticism at all... i'm just asking how you'd handle answering Alexsey's questions since he's still so young.praying for all of you,michelle


This question is bound to come up at some point, and I think that we will be completely honest with Alexsey. This is how I would probably answer his question.

"The first time we met you, we were there to adopt your brother Dennis and only Dennis....... but out of all the other children in the orphanage you caught our attention too. Your smile was just so sweet that I could not get you out of my mind. I made a decision to help find you a family and I tried and tried and I tried. Little did I know that as I tried to find a family for you, God was preparing the way for us to go back and get you. If only we would have known that it was God's plan for you to be our little boy all along. And guess what-- we went back as quickly as we could! And yes, I am so sorry that I didn't bring you home last year... but you are home now and that is what matters most...... and we will never ever be apart again!"

This is pretty weak I know, but I trust that come time I am asked the question for real, God will give me just the right words. He always does.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think that is weak, it is beautiful and powerful!

Annie said...

I agree; it isn't weak...and honestly I don't think he'll see it as anything bad at all. None of my children have ever expressed any regret about their orphanage time. Children take life as it comes. And boys just tend to do that anyway.

Kathy C. said...

I'm not sure that will ever even be an issue for him. You fell in love with him when you went to pick Dennis up so you went back for him.

Have you ever read Karen Kingsbury's adoption story? She was going to adopt one child from Haiti but decided to get a second. She picked one and someone told her he wasn't a good child for her. So she picked someone else. When she went to pick up those two she met the one she was told wasn't a good child for her and found out he was wonderful. She went back for him six months later.

Carey and Norman said...

I think this is a wonderful explanation and it is the truth. I think it is very powerful as of all the children, Alexsey was the one that you specifically prayed for and tried to find a family. Even though many of us wondered if you would adopt Alexsey, only God knew the right time for you to begin the process again.

I love your honesty! Thanks for sharing!

Lynn said...

I think it is much simpler "We came to adopt your brother and then we met you - we then needed time to prepare our dossier."

Our daughter who was adopted from Antoshka understands that it took us a couple of years to prepare our dossier so that we could adopt her. And we talk about the time she was in the orphanage and we were waiting for her too... and she was waiting for us...

Lynn said...

I think it is much simpler "We came to adopt your brother and then we met you - we then needed time to prepare our dossier."

Our daughter who was adopted from Antoshka understands that it took us a couple of years to prepare our dossier so that we could adopt her. And we talk about the time she was in the orphanage and we were waiting for her too... and she was waiting for us...

Anonymous said...

perfect! :)

Anonymous said...

I think it's perfect, too! It's all in God's timing...

Anonymous said...

Here is an easy one-why are you always begging for money for this adoption? You are 1. Stay at home mom, 2. Have a big home with a swimming pool, 3. Have said that you have the means to adopt (so use your own money). Just wondering.

Annie said...

Dear anonymous.... Some people feel great satisfaction in helping children find loving homes. If you think a moment, you'll be able to imagine that unless Christine had a very high-powered (and well-paid) job, indeed, she could hardly afford the household help and childcare needed to work outside the home. You might also know, if you've spent time around internationally adopted children that they need TIME and ATTENTION from their parents which working parents struggle to find (I am one of them, and know this only too well...fortunately, my children can be with me at work - but even then my incomplete attention is a problem).

I wonder at your bitterness. I can't help but feel that you are in pain about something. I wonder if you have to work and resent it (I do!) or would like to adopt and can't afford it. If that is the case, you might consider asking for help too. It is not help for YOU - it is help for the child that you can bring from anonymity into a loving family.

I'm going to stop for a moment and pray for you because I feel sad at your anger. Anger is fear.

Kathy C. said...

Wow anon #3. What a comment. International adoption can cost over $30,000 when all is said and done. I love that people are helping her. We didn't have that support in our adoption and it would have been such a blessing. Most of us have the money to support another child but not the money to get them home. But, if you aren't called, don't do it.

Anonymous said...

I have adopted a child internationally and am in the process of adopting another--I have never begged for a handout in the name of God and will not do so.

Annie said...

Why so stiff-necked? I believe that when Jesus allowed Peter to wash His feet he was not simply telling us to be like Peter, he was showing us that it is right to BE helped, too. And, in our culture it is harder to be helped than to help others.

And, anon, can't you see that people are wanting to help Aleksey? It is not as though we are helping the Reeds buy some spiffy new living room carpet!

We may not have made the commitment to adopt Aleksey ourselves....but maybe we'd feel better if we helped someone else do it?

The thing that really puzzles me is that if people WANT to donate - why does that bother you? No one has to, no one has to read the blog, no one has to agree to ask for help, themselves. If everyone felt as you do, the Reeds would have gotten no donations, and that would be its own message. The fact that lots of people have joyfully donated, is a message to you.

Perhaps this troubled feeling you have is a message that you ought to allow others to help you.

Sheryl said...

Anonymous. Are you going from blog to blog badgering people about raising funds? If so, you need to stop! I'm pretty sure blogger has rules against this. It is not constructive when you leave comments that are just rude. You would never be able to use a telephone to do what you are doing. Are you a Chrisian?