Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Yes, I am Envious........

A few days have past since I last posted, so I guess you can say we are that much closer to bringing home Alexsey. However, I am ashamed to admit that I have been less than joyful (secretly of course) watching so many other families get their dossier submitted just because the child that they are hoping to adopt has special needs that are different than Alexsey's special needs. I know, I know, shame on me--- and yes even in the midst of my envy I am also praising the Lord that those children are coming home--- but at the same time, I am pleading with Him to let Alexsey join these children and come home too. It is just not fair.

And I know that life isn't fair-- and that more than once I have seen the amazing plan that seemed to make no sense to me at the time---- that God had all along-- but it doesn't make the current situation any easier.

Everything our family is doing right now, I think how Alesxey is missing out on it. We went to the river, and I could envision Alexsey pointing to it with excitement in his eyes. But he missed it. Dennis and I had a bowl of Borscht today---- and Alexsey missed that too. Sure, he probably gets plenty of borscht in the orphanage but it is not the same as my borscht--- made with love and eaten with his Mama. It is just not the same.

Our wonderful school has went ahead and placed Alexsey on a waiting list for pre-school assuming that he will be here by the end of summer. Will he be here God? Is that Your plan? Please let it be Your plan.

Lord, I know in my heart that Alexsey is ultimately Yours and that Your plan for Him is greater than I'll ever know this side of heaven. I will hold onto this truth not only for just Alexsey, but for all my children. I remember writing this post just a year ago when we were in the process of adopting Dennis. Reading it was just what I needed today.

20 comments:

Missy said...

Hugs, Christine!! I know that envious feeling. It has taken longer than I thought to bring Simon home (he should have come home in March had we not taken that detour last winter), but now suddenly it has zoomed into action and things are going fast! It almost makes me feel guilty, but that's silly. I know what it's like to watch other families traveling and bringing home their kids and us just still sitting here messing with paperwork. For you, I know it is doubly hard because you went so FAST then came to a screeching halt!! Then, you were told what a much, much longer wait you'd likely have!!

But as you know, God is stronger, and He will bring Alexsey home in His time, and think of this: at least he won't miss the fun holiday season of Halloween (if you "do" that holiday), Thanksgiving and Christmas!!

Big hugs. I will certainly ask to spend as much time with Aleksey as I can when we go (if we go first) and get lots of pictures and video of him for you and love on him real good. And you know I'd be happy to carry whatever you'd like, photos, gifts, whatever.

Hang in there. You are not alone.

One Crowded House said...

it is definitely an overwhelming mix of feelings to be jealous that it is not your child getting to come home... but also rejoicing with the families who are bringing their children home....

praying you get your good news soon!

MamaPoRuski said...

I know you know your feelings are normal. Praying for continued peace for you and protection for Alexsey and all the government officials involved! HUGS!

tammy said...

i hope he is home by the end of summer! :)

deb said...

Continued prayers for the Alexey to be home with his family.
Blessings to your family-
Deb

deb said...

Um- there is a reason that I don't type for a living! What I meant to say was....

Continued prayers for the beautiful Alexsey to be home with his family.

Ahem.
Sorry!

Blessings, again!
Deb

Kristen said...

I'm sorry Christine. As you know, we're playing the waiting game, too, and it's tough. I know it's tougher on you, though, since you specifically know it's Alexey. We'll just keep praying!

Shari said...

I think what you are feeling is normal! I know the waiting is tough! May you feel the arms of Jesus around you as you wait! I am continuing in prayer!

Ashley said...

Oh, Christine. I love you so much, my friend. I cannot understand why your paperwork has not been submitted yet. It shouldn't take this long. I have not been able to follow much while I have been here, but I was sure hoping you were submitted already. Praying for all of you and Alexsey! Lord, please let Alexsey come home soon!!!

gillian said...

Thanks for opening up, Christine.

Michelle said...

i just read Ashley's blog and wanted to come over to yours and let you know i'll be praying that God works a miracle and you can still bring Alexsey home as your son. to think of all the families who will be devastated is just unspeakable, but your family popped out into my mind first. i can't imagine Alexsey being so close to having a family only to have that taken away.

praying hard!

- michelle

Jarka said...

I´ve read Ashley´s blog too...I´m praying all the time...I hope that Alexsey will come home, and I pray really hard..
God bless you ..

Taylor said...

i'm still praying that you will be able to go soon!!!

Anonymous said...

I will say a prayer tonight that Alexsey will be home soon. Please be patient as he will be in your arms faster then you may think.. I myself adopted 3 babies from Russia and the wait never seemed to get easier.. In time you will look back and smile on this post with Alosha in your arms... My son is also named Alexsey and we call him Alosha... My thoughts are with you..

Stacey in NY

Anonymous said...

IS THIS TRUE?????????/

The Parliament here is taking a vote on June 2nd and if the new law passes, it will end international adoption here in Ukraine. The only foreigners that will be allowed to adopt would be Russians. The law would be in affect immediately and we would be asked to leave the country without Grisha. It doesn't matter that we are already here and in the process, we would not even be able to finish because we haven't yet gone to court. This would affect so many and we all know there are way too many children and not enough Ukrainians who are willing to adopt them. And Russia has their own children with just as many orphans as here, so many of them aren't going to come and adopt

Mama Beth said...

Christine, I am praying for you, for your entire family and for Alexsey to make it home. I don't understand why this has to be so hard. I have seen prayer change things before, though. I sat on the wall at the local Ukrainian office every day that summer and prayed for the softening of hearts of the people inside the building. I will be sitting on the prayer wall in my heart this coming Tuesday as well. You and a few others are very much on my heart right now.

Blessed Mom of Four, Now Five said...

Oh, Christine, I know the pain of watching others' paperwork processed in China, go to China, and bring their baby home before our paperwork was even processed. I know the hurt. I know what it's like to stand on the edge of the ocean or at WDW and think, "Ellie is missing this."
You might like to read this post of my most mournful day:
http://meimeimakesfour.blogspot.com/search?q=mournful

I pray you receive good news soon, the perfect peace from the Prince of Peace.
Robbie
mom to a spina bifida sweetheart and one who fell in love with Alexsey

Kimbell and Mark said...

I so understand. With our first adoption we had to come home cause the courts shut down and during that time she missed my sister's wedding, Thanksgiving, Christmas.... but once she got home there was plenty of time for lots of memories. BUt of course with that said - it doesn't make it any easier and I had all the same pangs with our 2nd adoption. YOu are an amazing mom and of course you hurt for your child that is so far away. I pray your paperwork is submitted very very soon.

Connie said...

It bothers you because you care... and caring is nothing to ashamed to admit. Moms have a right to be insanely protective of our kids. :)

living4him5 said...

I know the feelings all to well. I feel joy knowing the kiddos are getting their forever families but my heart aches for my Madelyn. I get consumed by it all that I have to take a step back to pray. I also find picking up a few things for her bedroom or little things to bring to China boosts my spirits because I believe (and I know you do too) that the Lord's timing is perfect. I also believe the longer I wait the more my heart opens for her and I feel more and more like her mama. Praying Alexsy is home in his mama's arms very soon!!

Hugs,
Amy